My soldier husband kissed me for the last time before going on to war

He did not tell me it will be the last kiss we share

That he would journey to war bravely and wear out until he had nothing left to give

Nothing left to hope for

He did not tell me that I would wait years for him to return

Years after he has been pronounced dead and his body had been scattered by a bomb blast

Consumed wholly and intimately

For his country

He did not tell me that he was going

Every single day in his life

In his marriage

In his head

He didn’t tell me that his trauma never left

That his demons kept haunting and had finally won the war

And he would give himself out to be butchered as if he were a street dog

Give himself out as if he were a martyr

He didn’t tell me that all our hopes and aspirations were mere castles in the sand

That he did not love me, that he admired my hope for better days

my excitement for the future

my bright light that never seemed to dim

He couldn’t understand how

But he knew he had to at least give me a try

See if my energy was contagious and he could also be infected with that hope

But it never happened

He remained hopeless, lifeless, a street dog

And he finally yielded to death

Finally wise enough to realize it was time

And he would delay the inevitable no further

Oh my soldier husband

Your last kiss I reminisce through the bottles of whiskey

and rum, how you would have tasted at war

Fighting bravely like it is your last

Because it was your last

Kiss.