A year ago when I visited a very good friend of mine, Kosi, he looked into my eyes and pleaded with me not to be a feminist. I was surprised and I began to wonder what could have prompted him to make such a plea.

You might be wondering why I chose such a controversial topic to address for my first post. 

I am not particularly going to be addressing FEMINISM in totality. I just want to talk about the perception of ambitious women by the society, especially the male society in Nigeria. 

It is true that men hate competition and like to be treated with respect and utter submission. 

Men love superiority. They love it when you submit to them. That’s good. I mean, even I would be put off by a man who doesn’t know his place. What I find disturbing is the manner at which they (esp. Nigerian men) treat ambitious women.

For example,

• “Chioma is now a grown lady. It doesn’t matter if she goes to Unilag to study Law. After all, it all ends in a man’s house. I have enough money to take care of her needs and the needs of the family. My father-in-law, how much is the bride price?” 

What exactly are you talking about Mister? Did you just say her education towards a Bachelor’s degree in Law does not count? Think again!

• “She’s my woman. Even though she attains Masters and Doctorate degrees in whatever universities in the world, her place is in my house all day long as a full time house wife” 

Hold it up right there. 

First of all, I’m very sure her parents did not spend thousands or millions on their daughter’s education for her to marry you and drop her certificate. Only if she decides to. You’re not in the position to make such a decision for her. 

Second, please how on earth is a man contented with having a woman who has no business or career, no line of work. I mean, HOW??! 

I know you are probably thinking…. Nada, men don’t want that anymore. But frankly speaking, there are still men like that who exist. Loads of them. 

And even those who claim to love ambitious women begin to freak out when their woman makes a lot of money than them. They feel like it would take away the respect, the submissiveness… But that’s not true. 

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It is a human right to be equal to those around you and it doesn’t matter if you are male or female. Ignore the ‘feminism’, everyone deserves to be treated equally. 

French writer Christine de Pizan (1364 – c. 1430), the author of The Book of the City of Ladies and Epître au Dieu d’Amour (Epistle to the God of Love) is mentioned by Simone de Beauvoir as the first woman to denounce misogyny and write about the relation of the sexes.

Back in the days, women were made to believe their lives ended in the kitchen, and should be dedicated to serving and pleasing their husband in marriage but that is wrong!

In this modern age, women still suffer trampled rights and ignorance, although there has been an increase in the acknowledgement of female achievements. However, it is not enough. 

For instance, 

•      Ched Evans, the footballer convicted of rape and released, had been portrayed by some as a ‘victim of feminism’… 

•    A woman is driving through heavy traffic on Jakande road going towards Chevron and another vehicle behind her is trying to outride her and succeeds but the man behind the wheel  doesn’t go his way but scowls at her and utters “It’s even a woman. That explains it.”

•    A group of men in a firm refusing to vote for their colleague as Manager simply because she is a woman.

•   Shirley’s husband has a bunch of friends around on a Sunday afternoon. Done with clearing the table after lunch, she decides to join the conversation with the ‘guys’ in the living room. They begin a serious debate on politics and she says something about it but gets cut off by her husband or one of his friends, “You’re a woman eh, what do you know?” or “You don’t understand topics like this. You specialize in the kitchen or making your hair and fixing your nails or shopping”

Tips for men 

Instead of silencing her, judging her, testing her, provoking her, disrespecting her, abusing her or belittling her.

Try encouraging her, forgiving her, correcting her, loving her, actually apologizing to her, appreciating her, loving her and respecting her. 

Feminists – We know our place. We respect you. We just expect you to do the same to us.