My eyes are moist as I write this post. I try, believe me. I try not to place my identity in my pain. Jesus sees all. He knows everything even before they happened. But why didn’t He stop it from happening, right? There is a purpose to this, right? Why does it hurt so much?

Purpose in Our Pain

I read “Don’t Waste Your Pain” by Pastor Godman Akinlabi a while back and it made sense that God uses our pain to not only change our lives and give it meaning, but to reach others in our path in dire need of His mercy and salvation.

But what happens when we go through pain after pain.

What happens when pain itself becomes a cycle in our lives?

How do we make it stop?

Is it possible to be so emotionally intelligent, educated, smart, prayerful, and cautious that we can actually prevent anything that could potentially cause us pain?

A lot of things have happened around me that just didn’t make any sense.

And the more I think about it, the more confused I feel.

And later on down the line, I realize that what has changed isn’t the world or what happens around me, but me.

I have changed. For the better. For God. For His Kingdom.

And I am still changing.

I don’t react like I used to.

I don’t hold on to past wrongs, hoping to get justice.

I don’t critique out of hurt or offense or bruised ego.

I… let… go.

It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t mean I am ‘nice’. And it sure doesn’t mean I am stupid. It doesn’t mean I enjoy feeling hurt.

It just means that I leave it at the Lord’s feet. Because it is too heavy and I can no longer carry any of it. I can no longer be responsible for so much. I can no longer be expected to bleed. I can no longer be treated like a Savior. A Hero. A Deliverer. God is. Not me. Never me. I am overwhelmed and heartbroken trying to carry all of it.

I have been drenched in the rain, muddy, and hunchbacked holding all the weight together. I have been falling apart and absolutely torn apart. I have been on my knees eyes fluttering open and close, about to pass out from all the expectations placed upon me. I could no longer carry any of it.

And so I lay it all down where God can see it. I give Him my heart, my soul, my body, my spirit, my family, my worries.

I give Him all. He died for my sins.

He is my Savior. He is the Savior. And He is enough.

He sees me as I am. He loves me as I am. He is my friend.

He is my God who sees my pain, and He doesn’t leave me with it; He takes it all from me and turns it into His wonderful light.

El-Roi: My God Who Sees Me